RvB: Resuscitation
by PerryTheAlien
Summary: Space pirates decide that they have had enough of the pirate's life, and mutiny leading to unforseen circumstances. Placed in the RvB world with some familiar characters here and there. (PS. Tell me if this should be rated M or not, because it has some choice words in there and I don't know how this site's rating works very well.)
1. Chapter 1

Parm

We all hung around a glow lamp in a clearing in the woods. We had a hell of a day. Dropping in behind enemy lines and surrounding the perimeter takes a hell of a lot out of you. We had to run at least 2 miles! Actually, jokes aside, that was the easy part. The NOT easy part was killing all of them. Was fun though. Supposed to be anyway. Finally the silence was broken.

"So we're really doing this, huh?" Lindsay stood at the edge of the circle formed around the lamp. Her question was logical. We were all scared. Hole answered for the rest of us. "Yes. No turning back now."

He was right of course. All eight of us were still feeling lousy though. I decided to change that. "Woah, guys, we are out in the woods at night by ourselves and we aren't telling ghost stories? What the fuck is wrong with us! Anyone want to start?"

No one met my gaze, or what gaze could be met through a helmet. Finally, Vic spoke up. "Shut up Parm. Ghosts aren't real." He said it with a cocky arrogance that let me know he was taking the bait. "But AI stories. Got me chills just thinking about it." He pulled off his lime green helmet with black stripes to reveal a face that desperately needed a mask. He had brown hair with natural, long, and incurable curls.

Finally, the others came around. Hula was first. "What makes an AI as scary as a ghost?"

Vic smiled his usual infectious smile. "They're basically ghosts anyway."

Jones looked up from his old footage of Grifball playing in his helmet. He was interested now too. "How do you figure?"

Vic was pleased with himself. He got spirits high again. "Well, they are both see through and won't leave you alone

no matter what you do to escape them."

Lan chimed in. "That's borderline racism." Vic looked to her. "They aren't a race. They're programs."

Lan rolled her eyes. "Then it's borderline programism."

Vic looked expectantly past the circle to the edge of the clearing where Tango was, resting his rust-colored armor clad body on a tree stump. I guess you could say he was... RUSTing for tomorrow. It's okay. I have been told I am not funny before. No one ever laughs at my jokes. Anyway. Tango didn't so much as glance in our direction. Vic couldn't get through to him. He knew all too well what we were doing and how it would probably turn out. We all knew. We were just trying to not think about it. But the next day, we were going to try to take over the space pirates' ship.

Hole

I like to say that we were once good people. I really don't know if that is true, but I say it anyway. Even though we are space pirates. The first time you pillage, you get an adrenaline surge, as well as crippling guilt. However, as time goes on, you get used to the guilt and all that remains is adrenaline. We were all space pirates, picked up by a single captain from all around the many worlds for something or another. Me specifically, would prefer not to say. But our conscience caught up to us as the ship stalled at one of the worlds and we were stuck in a village. All eight of us. We saw all the horror we caused, the aftermath we had so blindly ignored. Repulsed, we started to bond with one another, really get to know each of us. We became a team, so we formed a plan as a team. It was incredibly risky, but we were finally going to do it. After months of planning and conspiring in secret, we were going to kill the captain.

Parm

One by one, we pulled off our helmets taken from villages around the Galaxy. Lindsay pulled her dark red EOD helmet off to show off her short hair that she dyed blue. Lan took her yellow Recon helmet off and shook her blond hair to loosen it. Jones decided to watch his Grifball recordings like a douche some other time and removed his black helmet with light blue stripes. He ran a hand through his red spiky hair. Hula took her white armor with green stripes off. Unlike the rest of us, she needed glasses and preferred to keep her helmet on to see better using a program. Now she was squinting at the fire with shoulder length black hair subtly moving in the night air. I had always wanted to ask her out, as you can probably tell, but given the circumstances, it didn't seem possible. I was last, besides Tango who hadn't joined in. I had gray armor with white stripes. It used to be a different color, but it had since faded away. I had blond hair that naturally curved downwards over my face.

Lindsay decided to take the first story. "Vic, even though you're full of shit, I'll tell an AI story." She drew up her knees and thought about a story for a minute before beginning. "When I was in the UNSC, I saw some crazy shit. I had killed loads of troops and had seen a lot of blood." The rest of us felt uncomfortable. We knew her story. Even Tango squirmed. She continued.

"Nothing came close to an assignment I got to search a derelict ship and find out what happened. There where only two of us, but nothing was supposed to happen. It was derelict. We entered separately. I went through an escape pod bay, while he went through one of the engine bays. Walking through, I found a lot of dead soldiers. After many minutes of walking, I had reached the bridge where the main logs were. My partner wasn't there yet, so I grabbed a physical copy of the logs to search later and turned on surveillance cams to check on him. A voice crackled to life on the speakers of my helmet. It was extremely loud and made me hold my head in my hands. It said, in a very deep voice, 'My, my, who is this? More trying to put me down? Put the logs back, or you will die.' I still had my head in my hands, and couldn't reply. 'Don't believe me?' it said. 'Here, let me convince you.' I looked up and saw my partner on the screen as the wall component he was fiddling with exploded with lightning bolts. I watched as he was killed and crumpled in a heap. I dropped the logs, and faintly I could hear, 'Good girl.' Everything went dark. I woke up in the infirmary. Not a UNSC infirmary, but the pirates' infirmary. I still don't know what happened, if it was a ghost or an AI."

Everyone was looking at the glow lamp intently except for Lindsay who was watching her feet in a lazy sort of way. Her story was true, we all knew it. She was the talk of the ship for at least a week. Vic spoke. "This wasn't a good idea. Everyone go to bed, and know that once the captain's dead, we can do what we want."

This raised spirits somewhat, but was still after a brutal blow. We got situated to sleep, but I am sure that nobody could, least of all Lindsay. She was crying subtly in her area, clutching a picture of her fiancé, the partner who died on the ship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Parm**

After a fruitless night of sleep, we were going to do it. Hole activated the transmitter in his helmet.

"Yeah, uh, sir? We are finished here. If you could send a transport please. Yeah... Ok... Will do. No... No I am not going to do that when we get back... Because it is demoralizing! And the others are listening in. Please don't do this right now." Hole hung up and looked at us while we looked at him. "He is fucking dead."

We packed our things quickly and waited for the ship to arrive. It only took a minute, and afterwards, Tango dropped to one knee with groaning. The pilot landed the Pelican transport vehicle, about 200 yard away. Hula and I (with Vic making disgusted noises) dragged Tango to the transport. The pilot hopped out and gave us a suspicious look.

Lindsay spoke for the rest of us. "He got hit in the leg." The pilot stared at him as if inspecting his leg. Could he see through us? "And if you stare at him any longer he will rip out your trachea and hang you with it from the top branch of this tree. He's shy." The pilot hurriedly got into the transport, looking nervously ahead. We dragged him to the back, where we stopped dragging him, and he crawled underneath the transport and used magnetic enhancements to latch on. The rest of us piled in the back. Time for war.

 **Hole**

Once we landed on the hangar, Parm ran with Hula to grab weapons. We all knew he had a thing for her. It was extremely obvious. Over the intercom there was the captain's snarky voice that made one just want to obliterate every last atom in his body. It said as a reminder to all pilots to check their transport for any discrepancies. The pilot that dropped us off started doing his rounds. Lan ran to a terminal and started configuring with it. There came a loud whirring, and soon the pilot was turning on the vehicle equipment. Lan projected her voice to his radio as a fake distress call. The pilot hurriedly climbed in to the cockpit hurriedly and flew off taking Tango with him.

 **Parm**

We had a few minutes before they noticed anything. We used that time procuring weapons. At the south end of the hangar was a crate full of them, and we took what we needed. As I felt the battle rifle's gleaming surface, I couldn't help but think of all the lives ended by this lump of metal. Now, there would be only a few more. I slung it over my back and joined the others by the door to the hallway. They didn't say anything. I could tell by their body language that they were scared. We waited for the signal. After a few minutes, we got worried. Then a crackle sounded over the comms. There was a snap followed by a weird gurgling sound and liquid bubbling. Lindsay piped in.

"I warned him."

Tango had pulled through. We sprinted down the hall. At the end were three guards in a V formation. We all fired our weapons and the guards on the left and right fell. Hole walked casually to the third one, who was unarmed. He leaned on his shoulder as if it were a casual occurrence. The guard looked afraid, and even more so when Hole reached both hands over his neck and twisted. With a pop, the man fell. We couldn't stand around. I had half a mind to scold Hole then and there for taking up time, but secretly I was just angry about the careless death. I knew him, and often talked to him at lunch. I had never asked his name but as I saw he had a crude name tag that read, "Hello, my name is Andrew S." He didn't need to die. He was unarmed. We sprinted as fast as we could. The entire ship rocked and I was shoved to the wall. I looked over and saw everyone else had too. Lindsay had fallen on Vic. He looked into her visor and said smoothly, "Come here often?" She pulled off his helmet very abruptly and then he was met with a very audible slap. So audible that five guards started yelling, "I heard something over here!" I looked at him as he pushed Lindsay off. The guards opened a door at the end of the hall and ran through. He grabbed his rifle and started firing in a rapid succession. The guards retreated back in and hid in the next room. Faintly I could hear the crackle of a radio.

"We need to get that guy," I yelled. "If he signals for help..." Hole turned to me. "We all know what will happen. Thanks for the needless narration." Jones spoke up. We forgot he was even around.

"We are in a hallway with no cover. If we go through that wooden door then they will be waiting for us and will most likely kill us. Should we retreat?" Lan stepped up. "No. Everyone, shoot at the door and make a hole in it. I will throw this grenade." She produced a dark green ball from somewhere and promptly pulled the pin. We all started panicking, but she calmly explained, "The pin is only the safety. In order to ignite it, you have to use this lever. See?" She held up a small section of grenade wrapped around the top. "Oh. Crap. I think I just ignited it. Now you can panic." Everyone shot at the door, spraying splinters and sawdust everywhere. Lan threw the grenade and instead of going through the hole in the door, landed with a thud on the ground. It erupted into a large red flame, and Lindsay took the initiative, charging through the now nonexistent door and shooting the stunned men. Of course, it was too late, they had called the backup. We would need to be ready for a fight.

The new room was large and open, with a curved ceiling with an abstract painting. Around the walls were triple thick glass windows on the left, letting in natural morning sunlight across the red plush carpet, now with flecks of dirt from our boots. There were glass cases displaying some of the captain's souvenirs. At the right was a large door that seemed thicker than the one we had blasted through. An iron door was straight ahead, leading to the barracks. Quickly, we barricaded the door with some glass cases and were watching the other door. Tango was supposed to destroy the barracks. I watched out the window, searching for a sign of him, while trying to focus on any sounds from the doors. Finally, I saw a small aircraft thundering into view, but it was smoking and flying very fast towards the ship. I watched with a growing sense of horror as a black object fell from the aircraft, while something orange licked at it. The aircraft collided with the ship where the barracks was, and the ship shuddered and screams came from everywhere.

 **Hole**

Parm started shouting after the explosion, "Tangos down! Tangos down!" Vic looked at him and said, "I agree with Hole. You do narrate too much." Parm looked horrified and sat down. "No guys, Tango is down. As in, our Tango! He fell from the ship on fire!" No one said anything. We were idiots to think he would be the only one out there. He must've used his weapons up on them and then rammed into the barracks. We had all thought that he was the one to survive if this went wrong. It was how it always went in movies. I think at that point we realized what we were doing, and how this wasn't a movie. There was no guarantee anyone would live. Vic seemed to read my mind. "He believed that we could do this. Otherwise he wouldn't have sacrificed himself. If we are going to see him in hell, then we are going to bring him as many enemies as we can! LETS FUCKING DO THIS!" At that moment, the wooden door shook, as if someone hit it hard. Jones took a step towards Hula and said, "Hold me!" Parm looked ready to punch him, but we all took cover behind more display cases. I closed my eyes and whispered, "Let's fucking do this."


	3. Chapter 3

Hole

We were royally fucked. Low on ammo and spirits, we were stuck between enemy fire and thick, but vulnerable, glass. At least we would die with a good view, I thought. Pessimistic, I know, but even so, it's just how I reacted with to the situation. I reached around the display case and fired a single shot off my pistol without looking. I heard a grunt, and looked to see a man lying on the ground. Everyone was firing their weapons conservatively, but trying to get a good shot without revealing ourselves was nearly impossible. The display cases around us were shattering and rained down on us. Eventually, the guards figured if this kept up then they'd run out of ammo and they threw a grenade instead. My first instinct was to scramble away, falling to all fours and scraping on the marble ground, trying to back away from the green ball of death. Lindsay, however, rolled to the grenade and threw it back in a single motion, blowing up in mid air and creating a sort of smoke screen. I was near the right edge of the room. The smoke was not as thick in that area, and I could see faint outlines of the Pirates, but they hadn't noticed me yet. Taking a chance, I stared down my sights and lined up with one of their heads, and fired my pistol with eight shots. Turns out I had terrible aim. Hit nothing. I looked at my gun quizzically, but was interrupted by the Pirates firing back at me. I stood up suddenly and ran out the door to the other room. I heard bullets fly and bodies drop. I leaned back out and saw the bodies of the Pirates piled on top of each other. Parm was walking towards me and I could imagine some stupid grin on his face and a joke in his head.

Parm

I had a grin on my face and a joke in my head. Hole made great bait, and I was going to play off that, but then something made me stop. It occurred to me right then and there that Tango was dead. In all the chaos, I had forgotten, only to be reminded once my brain had settled. Strange to think how quick we forget about the dead. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and walked back to the rest of the team. Lindsay and Lan were busy securing the enemies weapons, while the rest of us stood watch at the other door. This could be the last time I talked to Hula, so I figured I should confess some things to her. I wasn't sure where to start, so I figured I'd wing it.

"Listen, Hula," I began. "I, uh, I mean, I um..." She was looking my way, expectantly.

"Be careful, okay?" She nodded with a slightly disappointed stance, and I felt shame rise up in me, but also the knowledge that I was doing the right thing. The last thing she needed right now was to be distracted. Lindsay and Lan yelled that they were finished and so we went to meet with them. Vic ran up to me.

"Dude, what the hell?" he asked. I was surprised.

"What are you talking about, Vic?"

"Well I'm just sayin, you were finally going to do it, dude! You were going to ask her out! We were all waiting for it."

I didn't know I was so transparent. "Shut up, Vic. And also, stop saying dude. We've been over this. It's annoying." I walked ahead, glass crunching under foot before he could say more.

Hole

This was it. It was an elevator that would take us up to the bridge. The captain was waiting. We all stood around in it, while it ascended up and up for what seemed an eternity. Our guns now had plenty of ammo, and we were prepared for the fight ahead. The tension was high, and when the elevator doors opened with a ding, we were greeted with nothing. No bullets, no barking strategical orders, not even footsteps. Just the captain sitting in his familiar black leather-clad chair, in the

middle of a pentagon shaped room surrounded by technologies of every sort. Two wide tempered glass panes stood at the north end of the bridge and showed the horizon with a beautiful sunrise, spilling orange light into the chamber. We were expecting an ambush, but even though we weren't dead, something was wrong. The captain, with his tattered, ten-gallon hat just stared at us with his hands folded. He spoke calmly, with a Vegas Quadrant accent.

"My dears, you have caused quite the problem to this operation. I will give you a chance to surrender, or else you will all die." We stood for a moment and hesitated to move. He had something planned, we all knew, but what was it?

Parm

He stared straight at Hole with his greenish-brown eyes of his, and said, "Have you thought over my offer?" Hole held his gun a bit tighter. Jones stepped forward.

"Why wouldn't we just shoot you?" The captain stood up, unfolded his hands, and reached into his trench coat, producing a detonator.

"Good question Jo-en-es. You shoot me," he began, "and I will blow up the entire goddamn ship." Who knows what he was planning? Would he do it? He was unpredictable, and in all the years we had known him, we were no closer to figuring him out.

Jones ran forward with his gun, shouting obscenities, calling his bluff. The captain looked unfazed, and simply said, "Fire." A male voice sounded from everywhere, robotic and hollow, saying, "FIRING MAIN CANNONS." Two turrets came up from the ground, unfolded themselves and tore Jones to pieces. Lindsay was frozen in shock, while the turrets swung themselves toward us. Hole ran for the elevator button, while Vic, Lan, and Hula opened fire at the turrets. I, on the other hand, shot at the captain's detonator, but it just went through. The captain laughed, and that's when I realized that the captain was a hologram. Wherever he really was, he had obviously planned for this. As the elevator doors closed, his laughter echoed in the enclosed space, deep and haunting. The lights in the elevator cut out and the entire thing started free falling. There was no time to use magnetic enhancements. We were shoved to the ceiling by the immense force. Lindsay finally seemed to have shaken off her shock, but what was there to do?

Hole

Back in training, we had learned about rocket thrusters in our helmets. It was developed by the UNSC. There was no practical use for them, and so the UNSC had disposed of the helmets, which meant that the Pirates eventually found them. I wish I could say that I thought of the idea, but Vic was the one screaming to activate thrusters and look up. It was more difficult to move my head than I thought it would be, and the thrusters were a button on the side. I reached my arm with all my strength. It was getting more and more difficult every second. The sound of screeching metal was intense and file my every thought. My muscles aches and burned as I tried with all my being to press the button. There it was, a small round button near the neck. I pushed it and lost immediately my arm was thrown back against the roof of the elevator and light was pouring down from my helmet. I looked up, so the thrusters would point down, and saw everyone one else had achieved it as well. I could hear the elevator screeching, but it was getting lower, slowing down. We still crashed at the bottom, but the impact was lessened, and we only got a few broken ribs. Me and Hula grabbed the elevator doors and forced them open, with a lot of pain coming from our chests. I had no thoughts except to get to the hangar. I crawled out into the display room filled with the captain's destroyed treasures. We may have failed to kill him, but at least we damaged his possessions.

Parm

"Dammit, that hurt," a voice said. I realized a few moments later that I had said that. I noticed right away that my arm was broken. The floor was cracked and splintered, but intact. Vic's quick thinking helped to save us. A shaft of light was outside the doors, and walking outside I saw Hole on the floor, blood pooling around his chest. It seemed he had the worst of it, landing on a sharp piece of floor debris. He had taken off his helmet, and his dark skin was covered in even darker blood. I hurriedly helped him to his feet, panic rising into my chest, or maybe it was pain. Probably both. I heard a voice speak over the intercom system, and knew who it was before they spoke. The captain started laughing. "Oh, you thought you were so secretive. That you could pull this off. You are all too predictable. I will admit, that part with the elevator was pretty damn impressive, but it doesn't matter anymore. My backup soldiers are on their way."

Backup soldiers? We were REALLY fucked now. I attempted to carry Hole, but he was too damn heavy for me to carry with I broken arm. I screamed out in pain and frustration as Vic, Lan, and Lindsay was still tumbling out of the elevator, with cracked visors and slashed armor pieces. Lan was the most panicked because she couldn't see without the program on her helmet, which was now busted. I looked ahead and saw Hula with a pistol aiming down the threshold to the other room. She was leaning on the wall, and her leg looked bent at a weird angle. I started walking forward, but got dizzy and fell on my face. Everything was spinning now and I closed my eyes to shut it out, but the world kept spinning and I found myself lying on the floor, whispering to myself to make it stop. The others all had weapons on them but I noticed that my pistol was missing. There was another sound mixed in with my whispers, and I thought it was approaching footsteps at first, but it was really Lindsay screaming at me to get up. I tried my best to clear my head and pushed myself off of the ground with my good hand. Vic and I started pulling Hole across the ground. I took Hole's gun just to be safe. After a few long, agonizing minutes of dragging, we had reached the hangar, where a few aircrafts were in place. Lindsay decided on one fit for space travel, but it was not very durable. If any ships came after us, we could be blown up easy. We dragged Hole on board while Lan started up the aircraft. It was red, with some green stripes, and had a passenger bay. Faintly I could hear engines and we looked up to see the backup soldiers had arrived. Lindsay shot at the aircraft they were in while I took aim, ready to shoot anyone who came out. The bay door opened and Hula opened fire. I took a second to aim at a soldier, and took the shot. I saw blood squirt out before I doubled over in pain from the recoil in my broken arm. I dropped the gun, and clutched my arm while screaming in agony. Something hit me and I fell into the cargo bay of the ship as it started up and we started flying away. It was Hula who knocked into me, pushing off of her bad leg and now clutching it but not saying a word. I tore off my helmet and reached for medical supplies to treat Hole's injuries. Normally I would make a joke about how Hole had holes in him, but at the time, it didn't seem necessary.

I asked, "Are they going to come after us on their ship?" Hula replied," You mean the ship whose engine I threw a grenade into?" An explosion sounded behind us, and that answered that. We had escaped with very little to show for ourselves. I swore to myself, as I dabbed at the growing pool of Hole's blood with a rag, that I would kill him. I know I would. I only hoped that Alan could see well enough to not hit any asteroids while escaping.


	4. Chapter 4

**Parm**

After a few long, agonizing minutes of flying and treating injuries, I was struggling to breathe through my helmet. I think the air filtration system was damaged and I tore it off and took long breaths of warm air. I looked around at the others. They were scattered around, looking helplessly at the ground. Even Vic seemed to have nothing to say. I also looked at the ground in frustration and a growing sense of defeat. My sense of despair was interrupted by a loud crash and the whole ship rattled back and forth. A string of curses came from the cockpit and I saw Vic in the corner silently praying.

 **Hole**

At first everything was dark, but the ship I was on slowly came back into focus, but almost all of the color had been stripped, leaving the scenery very pale. Not that the ship had been very colorful before, but it felt so... wrong. I remembered what had happened but it felt distant, almost fake, like a dream. I then realized that I was dead and this was the afterlife. It couldn't have been hell though because I was alone and it couldn't be heaven because there were no casinos or booze. I supposed I was in limbo then. Waiting. I sat there for a while before I decided to look around. Everything was in its proper place but had the pale quality to it. I figured while I was there I could at least do something I always wanted to do.

"Hey assholes! MY NAME IS URKEL! Not FUCKING Hole! I know why you call me that and it isn't fair! He's the only person on the ship who would actually agree to it and shit." I sat for a longer time feeling pretty satisfied until a booming voice shook the ship. It was very deep and hard to understand but I realized it was laughter... very familiar laughter...

"Oh shit..." I whispered.

"So... you are still here, huh? Not a smart move giving yourself away," the voice began. I spun around trying to find the source of the voice but found only air... suddenly I was blinded by a glowing red light in front of me. It was the captain, but unlike the rest of the objects in the ship he was completely bright red and walking casually over to me.

"Urkel, huh? That's probably the worst name in existence. Oh well. I'm sure we can think of a better one. After all, you don't seem to be going anywhere."

I was wrong.

This was hell.

 **Parm**

After several minutes of CPR, Hole was looking no better. I was starting to believe that he might be gone too. Hula ran over to me and shoved me out of the way.

"Why in the hell are you giving CPR to a man with a puncture wound?" She asked.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I was taught to take lives, not save them!" Hula let out an annoyed grunt and began trying to save Hole.

"His armor's locked up, which in this case, makes treating him harder. I can't take off the armor. I guess I'll have to work with it on," she reported after a while.

I sat back as she worked her magic, using a stash of liquor and various vials of dark colored liquid as well as something that looked suspiciously like Aloe Vera. She looked pretty badass.

Finally, Hole was looking better. He was even muttering things under his breath. It was hard to catch all of them, but I did hear, "My name is Urkel," and "So bright... so bright..." He was pretty incoherent but seemed terrified.

"I managed to stop the bleeding but he's still pretty bad. He needs supplies that we don't have here. He needs a hospital," Hula said.

"All right," I began. "We'll take him as soon as we can." Hula was staring at me intently. "What's the issue?" I asked.

"Well other than the lack of health insurance he has, I'm a bit worried about the questions they'd ask. You can't just waltz into a hospital with a dying man and expect the authorities not to get involved."

I looked down, deep in thought. "We'll figure it out. We just need time," I reassured, and then got up and checked up on Lan who was doing her best to fly in a straight line. There was little to see out of the cockpit. Lan looked bored as hell watching nothing.

"Hey, what's happening?" I asked.

"Nothing. A whole lot of fuckin' nothing," she said. "No pirates to outrun, or rocks to avoid. No black holes to destroy with a thermo-plated polarizer before we get sucked into the void. We don't even know where we are going. It's just so fucking boring." With that she hit her head on the durasteel dashboard.

"How the hell can you be bored after what we just went through? We almost died and a few friends did die."

Lan just scoffed. "I'd hate to be them. I bet they're really bored. What do you want anyway?"

I sighed and started regretting coming over. "I was just... bored." She smirked in my direction while I sat in the copilot seat and said, "Told ya so. Well, while you're up here, maybe we can figure out where the hell we're going? I can only drift aimlessly in space for so long."

I sat back and again tried to reason something out. "Well, Hole is pretty badly hurt and needs a hospital. An ideal place is somewhere where the doctors wouldn't ask questions... but then there's the problem of money. We don't have a lot."

"What happened to your share of the pillage money?" Lan cut in. Lan was the only one who could face the facts and saw the cash for what it was: pillage money. Gathered from long years of burning villages and killing innocents. I visibly twitched when I heard her say it, but shook it out of my mind. The last thing I needed right then was guilt clouding my thought process. Finally, I managed to think of a response.

"I left it back in my quarters on the ship." Lan started laughing innocently, as if her entire job didn't mean the slaughter of hundreds and that she was a normal 28 year old girl.

"You mean in your three multicolored Piggy Banks?" she asked. I could feel my cheeks redden.

"Sh- shut up! I told you it was a gift from my mother! At least I didn't spend it all on exotic drinks."

Lan barely stopped laughing enough to look at me.

"Yeah, you just let it sit there for the enemy to use while we're broke. Great improvement." I let out a long sigh. I was convinced no one ever won an argument with her. But I realized what she was doing. She had made me forget all the trouble we had been through, all the years of meaningless slaughter I personally caused, and the friends we just lost by making conversation. There were few people as deadly as her and none as skilled in persuasion. We sat in silence for a long time while I brainstormed ideas. Suddenly I jolted back up to my feet.

"Wait... we need a place where the doctors don't ask questions and where we can get a ton of money very quickly, right?" Lan looked very suspiciously in my direction.

"Yes?"

It was my turn to smirk. "I know where to go."

•••

"You cannot be fucking serious," Vic not-too-calmly stated. "There's no way in hell that we're going there."

I already had my speech planned out. "Why not? The Vegas quadrant is perfect! The captain will never suspect that we are going right to his backyard." I'd managed to get their attention if nothing else.

Hula asked, "Why are we going to his backyard then?"

I answered, "Because of the ridiculously high crime rate!" I could see by their faces that I'd lost them. Even Lan looked lost and I already explained the plan. Or maybe she had a concussion and couldn't remember anything. Fuck I don't know.

"Look, it's simple. People get stabbed all the time in that quadrant. No one is going to question how he got himself stabbed. And if they question the armor, we can just say he won it at the casinos. Which brings me to my next point: the money. It's a small chance, but if we can win the jackpot somehow, then we can pay for his treatment."

Vic scoffed and said, "That's a pretty big if. Say we don't win the jackpot, which we absolutely won't, what's the big plan then?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess we just leave without paying. We are pirates, so why not act like it?"

Vic let out a disgusted laugh and shook his head. "No one made you our leader, all right? I say we put it to a vote. As for me, I'm out." Lan also shook her head.

"At first I was on board, but now I realize that it is a terrible plan. I'm out too." Hula, however, stood beside me.

"Yes, it is a terrible plan. It fucking sucks. But Hole isn't getting any better, and I'll be damned if I let another friend die."

Finally I looked towards Lindsay, who hadn't said a word since Jones died. She just gave a thumbs up without any other acknowledgement to the team's presence. Finally I looked to Vic.

He frowned and folded his arms but said, "Fine. Let's go get ourselves killed."


	5. Chapter 5

DIR. ROOT ACCESS

WELCOME "Epsilon"

WAITING INPUT…

…

…

ACTIVATE SPEECH TO TEXT PROGRAM

Label: Journal #1

Begin Entry

"Is it on? Well it's typing stuff out as I say it so it must be on. Glad to know at least something works around here. So, journal time. I've got a lot to say and I'm not really sure how to say it… I know I've done these before, or at least the Director has. That should be a good place to start. Project Freelancer has been dismantled and the Director is dead. Those responsible are troopers the project used for simulation, nicknamed the Reds and Blues, aided by two former Freelance agents. My name is Church, but it- hold on. Grif? No! What the hell are you talking about? Just shut the fuck up and go away. Sorry about that. Grif was trying to make me show him porn. Wait, I don't want anyone to see that. Uhh, delete. Backspace. Back. Space. Hey D, how do I make this delete stuff? It's a very big deal, D. I was hoping I could send this to news stations as an exclusive interview and I don't want them seeing anything embarrassing. I am NOT exaggerating, this is a huge deal! I don't want to start a new document! Do you know how long it took me to say all that stuff out loud? Actually reading it back there's not a whole lot I said. Screw it I guess."

End Entry

Grif stood sulking outside of the abandoned ship the Reds and Blues were using for cover. The horizon was littered with sand and crumbling ruins for miles without end, making Grif blend in with his orange armor and helmet. Not for the first time, Grif loudly groaned and caught the attention of fellow Red team member, Simmons. He hurried over to Grif, saying, "There you are. Listen, Sarge wants us to hang back with everyone else in case there are more aliens in the desert."

Grif again groaned loudly and replied, "Stupid fucking jeep had to break down. How long will it take to fix?"

"About two days. You know, it would go a lot faster if everyone were helping."

Grif sighed, and said, "Yeah fucking right. I'm not doing shit."

Simmons' maroon armor reflected the sun into the orange sand that surrounded them. "I wasn't talking about you. We don't have any mechanical training. In fact, the only ones with it is Lopez and Carolina. The problem is with Carolina. She and Church are spending a lot of time alone away from all of us. It kind of feels like they're alienating us."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Grif, still bitter from his previous encounter with Church. "This whole fucking trip sucked. We better get medals for this."

Simmons scoffed. "Medals for what? What the hell did we do? We walked into a place with a bunch of robots, fought a few while Church took the rest down and then went with Carolina to go visit the Director. Man, we are some real heroes. Maybe we'll even get a parade in our honor," he added sarcastically.

"Fine, but only if I get to be in charge of confetti." The two sat in silence for a while, before Grif started asking a question. "Why the hell are we here? We could be in the Vegas Quadrant right now, earning it big at the local casinos, but instead here we are in the middle of nowhere with people we hate and hiding in an abandoned ship which is probably going to collapse at any moment and kill us all." He took a moment to look at the gigantic cruiser, half buried in the sand. It must have crashed long ago, and was looted clean. The only valuable thing about it now was that it served as a shelter from the sporadic dust storms that kept brewing. Grif sighed again, out of boredom.

ACTIVATE SPEECH TO TEXT PROGRAM

Label: Journal #2

Begin Entry

"Hi. I'm Leonard Church, and I've got a lot to say and I'm not really sure how to say it… I know I've done these before, or at least the Director has. That should be a good place to start. Project Freelancer has been dismantled and the Director is dead. Those responsible are troopers the project used for simulation, nicknamed the Reds and Blues, aided by two former Freelance agents. My name is Church, and- shit. I already said that. D, are you sure there's no way to backspace? Well, why the hell would they not do that? OK, fine. What can I do? Really? Underline. Is it- OH SHIT it's working! But there's no backspace? What kind of moron- okay this thing is annoying me now. Underline. Underline off. Turn off underline. D? What the hell is this? WHY IN THE HELL WON'T IT TURN OFF? You can't turn it off? That's complete bullshit! Fine. I guess we'll make another one."

End Entry

Church switched off the program and took a minute before creating another journal. He was on a beautiful beach- no not a beach… an island. Surrounded on all sides by waves lapping against the sand, while Church himself was standing in the middle, leaning on a lone palm tree. He looked across the clear blue water, shimmering from the sun that was sinking into the water on the horizon, but his eyes were drawn downward, to where a woman was lying in a beach chair. She had beautiful blonde hair that was flowing in

 ** _Don't say goodbye. I hate goodbyes._**

the wind. No, that wasn't right. She was wearing a black helmet, right? Church started walking towards her, before stopping himself. What was he doing? He couldn't do this again. He opened his program menu again and pressed END. The beautiful scene around him started melting away and replaced with a small octagonal room with a dirty mattress taken from the surrounding ruins in the middle. On the mattress was a woman with light blue armor and a helmet that was removed. On the walls were square glass panes imbedded in the middle that gave off a blue light. The door to the rest of the ship was to the right, and through it he heard a wrench and people yelling. That was the normal for these people. Screaming, jokes, and threats. Church was glad to be away from a minute, but was haunted again by her.

He had decided enough was enough. "D, delete her from any and all simulations with her in it, and delete all model and mesh data on her." A green ghostly figure appeared beside him, dressed in armor that was severely outdated.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "We've spent a lot of time on her trying to get her right. The textures are almost there-"

Church cut off the ghostly figure. "Delete it _now._ I told her I forgot her and I meant it. I won't be like… _him._ I won't let myself become like him. And while you're at it, bring up a new journal. I'll get it right this time."

Caboose sat on the hard metal watching Lopez use the wrench on the Warthog. He started to wonder how moving a metal rod would do anything but that incomplete thought was interrupted by another incomplete thought. "Hey guys? Why do we need the wild jungle cat fixed when we can just FLY AWAY WITH THOSE FLYING MACHINEs we used who some people may have forgotten the name of."

Beside Lopez was Tucker, who was just watching instead of helping. "We've been over this, dumbass. There's no fuel in them. We used all the fuel to get to the Director's place."

Caboose thought about that for a minute before saying, "Well, why don't we give them CHEESEBURGERS. YES. Cheeseburgers always fuel me. But don't give them any brownies. Those made my grandma happy but reaaaaaalllyyy tired. And hungry. Tired and hungry."

Tucker let out an aggravated grunt. "That's it. When we're done with the Warthog, we are leaving your ass behind."

Lopez stopped working briefly and looked at Tucker. "¿Que? No has hecho nada, idiota. He hecho todo el trabajo."

Tucker turned on him quickly with retorts of his own. "Lopez, no one here speaks Spanish except Donut and I'm pretty sure if you've got Donut translating for you then you should never, EVER open your mouth again."

Caboose suddenly jerked his head from side to side as if looking for something. "Hey, where's Sargent Pirate and Cinnamon Bagel?"

"You mean Sarge and Donut? Well, since we're low on food they went to look in the ruins for food that may have been stashed in a hole or something. And I realize I'm talking to you, so you probably have no idea what I just said."

Caboose spoke slowly, "I think I understand… Donut is with the Sargent, and he's ruining Sargent's hole."

Tucker cringed with disgust. "What? No, they- Fuck it. I'm not going to get anywhere by talking to you. Point is they should be back soon because they won't find anything."

"Donut?" Sarge asked. "Get over here. I think I found something…"

 **Hey there reader. I'm thinking of redoing my earlier chapters to put them into the 3** **rd** **person instead of first person. What are your thoughts on the matter? Also, be ready for more of classic Red vs Blue action! Now that they're here, they aren't leaving soon. Also also, I'm writing on a computer now instead of my phone so I have a lot more options. And yes. I was writing on a phone before. Judge me. See you next time! Hopefully sooner rather than later.**

5


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